He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
