It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would ride that face into the sunset
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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