i can't believe i had my finger in that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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