i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
