i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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