So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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