Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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