I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
