I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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