WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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