M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize