I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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