Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
