and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can't motorboat a personality
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
