so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
