No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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