when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
