its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
