You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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