I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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