all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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