my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
