I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize