Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize