This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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