the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
