Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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