somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
