I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
