My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
