i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
