I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
