Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
