i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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