If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Found your dick twin last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
