fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
