you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
