Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize