I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize