Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
