and i looked up. we had an audience...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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