i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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