I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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