Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize