I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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