Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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