Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
