going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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