Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
