I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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