Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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