you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
