So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize