Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize