He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize