Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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