yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
