they need to just BURY HIM!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
