The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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