it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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