i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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