Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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