the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
