dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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