I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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