yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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