i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
