im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize