well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
