I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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