____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got so high we made milksteak
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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