Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
