You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
