I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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