Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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