Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
