I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
