just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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