I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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