Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize