she told me i tasted like america
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
