I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
