I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
