You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize