The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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