you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
