Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We talked him into tasing himself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize