well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
