I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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