I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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