I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
