Where is the hickey?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
