I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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