people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
