I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
